Today marks six months since we’ve been back in the U.S.
On one hand, it’s hard to believe it has been that long, while at the same time, every minute and hour has seemed to take a lifetime. I think there are many reasons for that.
A Tough Transition
First, while I’m not afraid of change, I am really terrible at it. Coming back to the U.S. has provided A LOT of changes: new state, new city, new jobs, new car, new residence, on top of finishing our trip, and this transition has been tough.
Second, we’ve been in a sort of limbo since we’ve been back. When we landed we didn’t have a U.S. phone number, car, jobs, or a place to live. Ben’s parents have graciously hosted us, and we got phone numbers in the early days of our return, but that left us in a conundrum. We still needed jobs, at least one car, and a place to live; but what order do you do that? You need a car to get to your job, but you don’t have a place to park a car without a place to live. You want jobs before you find a place to live so that your commute isn’t too long. And, you want jobs so you can help pay for the car and the place to live.
Third, we’ve been gone from Minnesota for 10 years, and while we feel a lot different than when we left, life has continued for everyone here without us. That isn’t a bad thing, it just is, and it has made for a tougher transition back than we were expecting.
Fourth, we are different people than we were, and trying to fit back into an old mold just doesn’t work. Finding a new mold, however, is super overwhelming and uncomfortable.
Fifth, there is a constant ache, a longing, to be on the road. We couldn’t have done two years on the road if we didn’t love it, and it has been really tough to go cold-turkey. To go from experiencing new places, cultures, foods, etc. 24/7 to sitting at home looking for jobs is a tough 180. Also, travel and unlimited amounts of time together are just always going to be better than working. Period. Stupid bills.
Yet, it’s super uncomfortable to voice all of that because even in these tough months I realize how fortunate we were to travel as we did and to come back to the support we have. Nevertheless, it is my reality.
These last months I’ve been grieving. Grieving a lifestyle that I loved so much. Grieving a dream that was years in the making. And grieving for the person I was and could be on the road.
Travel, for me, is like turning up the saturation on life. Everything is so much more vivid, requires so much more presence and awareness, and is thrilling. Every day was something new and different. It allowed me to find my strengths and challenge my weaknesses and it provided me so much growth as a person through knowledge and exposure. It was the ultimate high.
What is home?
Now, back in Minnesota, I’m struggling to define “home.” For all intents and purposes, we’re “home.” We’re back in the state we were born and raised in, surrounded by our families and closest friends. But I’ve never lived in the Twin Cities before, and we haven’t called Minnesota home in a decade, and we still don’t have our own place. Aside from seeing
But it isn’t Minnesota’s fault. I’m struggling equally with the mindset of the western world after spending so much time in the east. Big houses, big cars, and big portions are a shock to the system after capsule hotels and motos (scooters) carrying families of five.
For every purchase we make or bill we pay, I automatically think about how I’d rather be spending it: “This could be a week of lodging in Asia,” or “This could be a flight to _____.”
Even things like adjusting to the food and the water are taking time for my stomach, skin, and hair.
A fellow travel blogger, The Wherever Writer, has two quotes that have really stuck with me these last few months: “You will feel humbled, indignant, awestruck, and used. Like the whole world got a piece of you to keep as a souvenir, and then sent you home empty handed.” And, “I have returned to my homeland only to find that though I speak the language, I am struggling to communicate.”
It’s an interesting chapter in our lives right now. One, that I am sure we will look back on and realize offered us a new type of growth. For now, we get up each morning and continue to adjust the best we can.
“This is why once you’ve traveled for the first time all you want to do is leave again. They call it the travel bug, but really it’s the effort to return to a place where you are surrounded by people who speak the same language as you. Not English or Spanish or Mandarin or Portuguese, but that language where others know what it’s like to leave, change, grow, experience, learn, then go home again and feel more lost in your hometown then you did in the most foreign place you visited. This is the hardest part about traveling, and it’s the very reason why we all run away again.”
– Kellie Donnelly
